What is a Hoe?

Whenever a woman asks me this question I never shy away from taking the time to retrieve a mirror from my handbag and point it directly at her face by way of an honest answer.

(I mean, everyone knows only hoes ask questions.)

And if you subscribed to this here blog you should have received a little compact mirror in the mail for this very purpose. 

But those of you just subscribing now, I’m just going to have to answer this question with words.

So, what is a hoe? A hoe, according to most dictionaries is a garden tool used for ploughing and gardening and all the wonderful outside activities people took part in before Steve Jobs created Apple products.

Unfortunately, most dictionaries are wrong (probably because the companies that create them don’t have screening processes rigorous enough to keep their publications free from the contributions of hoes.)

So let me give you a more practical definition:

‘Hoe’ is in fact a word that can be used interchangeably with words like ‘bitch’, ‘slut’, ‘harlot’, ‘s’ferb’ and other words which God, the most glorious male of all, created so that men could save women the trouble of having to define their own identities. (Bless their hearts).

So as a result ‘Hoe’ has no one definition. It very much depends on what the male labelling you a hoe feels is hoe-ish behaviour at whichever time he encounters you.

And this is only the right way.

For you see, with a penis comes not only a pair of testicles but the ability to gauge at any point in time the correct behaviour for every woman within a five-kilometre radius of said penis.

It is important that you know that only a man can know what sort of thinking is harmful for a woman. The best thing about this is that said man doesn’t have to know one single detail about a woman in order to decide what is best for her.

And that’s the beauty of being a woman, really. Every night I get down on my sinful knees and praise the Manliest of Men (God) for thinking two steps ahead (as only a man can) and realising that between cleaning and cooking and being pretty I have neither the time nor the mental faculty to decide for myself what sort of decisions are best for me.

If you are not doing that already, I really implore you to give it a try. It is quite liberating.

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5 thoughts on “What is a Hoe?

  1. Oh but Siyanda your writing does put a grin on my face. Dare I say you’re the street smart version of Jamal Wallace from the movie “Finding Forester”. As a man who doesn’t believe in using such words till there’s words of equal insult to be used upon men I applaud your sarcasm.

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