It’s just a competition: Why Botswana’s laws are tightening on alcohol consumption

IanKhamaLast month I saw the small space that Botswana occupies in the twitter-scope blow up when rumours that the government would be disallowing the sale of alcohol in the middle of the ‘Festive Season’ began circulating unabated on the internet.

There were many different reactions from various types of Botswana Internet Users varying from complete outrage to self-righteous defence of the proposed policy. I, however, found myself most amused by the reactions I got from the realm of Twitter that I consider myself to occupy—the international armchair-intellectuals’ Twitter.

Our neighbours from all around the SADC region did not shy away from openly ridiculing the proposed alcohol ban. I found myself being the Botswana representative in this little circle of Twitter as well as the butt of all the jokes that came along with this news.

At first I laughed along with them but soon found myself quite unable to bare it when the discussion quickly turned into personal attacks against my sweet Ian Khama. For you see, I can take any jokes made about this country but a personal jibe at Uncle Ian is inexcusable.

I found myself regretting for weeks that I stayed silent while they attacked our Emperor. Every night I’d wake up from a feverish nightmare with the words, ‘you should have told them the truth’ ringing in my ears like I imagine the cries of baby boys do in the ears of Catholic Priests.

So here’s my chance to do it—to tell the world the truth.

You see, fellow Africans; everything Uncle Ian does is out of love for his lovely (though often ungrateful) citizens. If it is true that alcohol won’t be sold at a specified period during the festive season it is only for one reason—to test us.

Because, you and I and Father Ian know full well that there’s no way a bunch of closed bottle stores is going to stop citizens of this great nation from drinking. To the hilarious contrary it will in fact inspire us all to find very creative ways to get our favourite bottled national pastime as close to us as possible during this festive season.

And that’s the point. Ian is actually hosting a competition to see how much alcohol we can get and enjoy during a time when it will be absolutely impossible to find any in Botswana. Genius–isn’t it? It’s all part of his new campaign to inspire us to be as enterprising as all the other Africans seem to be and help us lose our reputation for being the lazy kids of Africa.

So I say, embrace it. Find the most creative way to stock your fridge full of your favourite brews. If that means you have to have a surgery to remove your ability to feel shame before you cross the border for the sole purpose of filling your boot with tonnes of alcohol then so be it.

And if you haven’t the means to do that and instead decide to teach yourself how to brew your own alcohol then even more props to you! You’ll have earned yourself a spot in the top ten Most Creative Ways To Get Drunk portion of Uncle Ian’s competition.

Good luck, in advance, my fellow citizens.

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4 thoughts on “It’s just a competition: Why Botswana’s laws are tightening on alcohol consumption

  1. haha,,,, i am a Tswana and as you may see, i am very proud to be and all for what ever goes for my country and its people mostly their general being..

    most of all, i also happen to take attacks towards the president personal as i know for sure that what ever he says is for the right reasons.

    i have a soft spot for him, no secret,, i worked and volunteered to his office in Serowe and agree with how he sees and functions… We need that!!!

    having said this, on this one i think Mr President is getting bored .
    i feel khama must not only look at the social aspects and behaviors due to alcohol , but extend his eyes and thinking to the economical aspect of selling it mostly given it is festive season ,

    people are not working and time for a celebration… keeping in mind too that the employment rate in the country kinda sucks…

    people must be allowed to make money which ever way possible, as long as it is legal and taxes payed.

    i feel though that sometimes our President confuses running a country and running a household.

    in your house you have the right to limit what ever you want, but when running a country , one needs to be a little more flexible as long as everything is done within the laws and moral expectations of a community.

    people will still drink, people will still sell alcohol after hours, so may be instead of turning our own people in to criminals and employing more force and money on unnecessary calls and patrols , may be we need a better fix where everyone will be happy.

    alcohol is not an issue, those that consumes it without a conscious and responsibility to a proper limit are the problem and that’s where for the safety of the public we need regulations and fines .

    don’t drink and drive… that’s what we need to emphasis but to ban the sales and cripple small business adds up to slowing down of people financial independence ,” profit” to those that relay and sell for a business purposes….

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