Okay Africa (USA)
On the merits of following random-ass people online “ I became so intimate in fact, that after scrolling for a few hours, the chaos seized to be chaos and the incoherence of a Timeline that hopped from the blame-game surrounding the Naira-crisis, to the outrage at education “reforms” in Kenya, to the deterioration of the #FeesMustFall campaign in South Africa, took on an almost holy glow. For a few moments in my cough-syrup-induced haze in Canada, I felt I understood the feeling of omnipresence.”
I’m done with African immigrant literature “But African Literature cannot move forward if we celebrate themes that are centuries old. More explicitly, African Literature cannot move forward with the most celebrated authors writing about Europe.”
4 Days in Kigali “So, after two bottles of Mutzig at the hotel bar, I googled “how to say ‘karaoke bar’ in French” and made my way into the city. The ghost-like remains of colonial buildings sped past on one side, and the hilly city became a sheet of descending and ascending stars. (Perhaps, I had more to drink than two Mutzigs)”
The Girl Who Believes in Africa “The week before my TEDx talk was a series of terrible jokes. To be clear, I mean terrible jokes made by me. The first was an answer to the question: “What did you think when you received your invitation to give a TEDx talk in Amsterdam?” My response: “Well, I thought I was being tricked into becoming a sex slave.””
“Water” Anthology SSDA 2015
And Then We Disappeared Into Some Guy’s Car. A short story about Gaborone and alcoholism. It is about wasted potential and clogged hostel sinks.It is about pain and numbness.It rejects ambition and settles for getting high by osmosis. It won second place at the Bessie Head Short Story Competition.
Tin House Magazine. Spring 2015 (USA)
On Bessie Head. An essay exploring the idea of rejection as presented in Bessie Head’s “When Rain Clouds Gather” and a suspicion that all of us are amalgamations of conflicting beliefs.
Satire: i-Zawire (South Africa)
Steve Hofmeyr confirms apartheid was caused by black people “In a landmark tweet, Hofmeyr gives away the title of his latest scholarly paper. Simply tweeting: “Sorry to offend, in my books, Black were the architects of apartheid,” Hofmeyr gives insight into the highly debated cause of the system of racial segregation that ruled South Africa for most of the twentieth century.”
Internet Activist Reads Whole Article “I was sitting in bed with my home-partner, Professor Quinoa–a cat I rescued from depression–when I slid my ipad onto my lap to skim the headlines of a paper whose name I won’t name because I don’t want them getting publicity for spewing that garbage they call “opinions,”” s/he said while making sure the ‘air-quotes’ gesture lasted longer than usual
Tablets given to students used by parents as tools for discipline “A school in the rural area of the Western Cape has experienced a snag in its “A Tablet For Each One” campaign, as reports have surfaced that students are being spanked with the electronic devices at home.”
Hot Sand challenge hopes to raise money for ebola vaccine “Before dumping a bucket full of sand on himself, in his video, [Beiber] tells the camera that because Autumn is setting in, in his hometown of Ontario Canada, he had to have hot sand shipped in from Jamaica.”
Helsinki Times writing as Siyanda Mohutswa (Finland)
Waiting for winter An expat view of Finland
AFRICA REVIEW writing as Siyanda Mohutsiwa (Kenya)
SUNDAY TIMES writing as Siyanda Mohutsiwa (South Africa)
ZANEWS: writing as Siyanda-Panda (South Africa)
Mail&Guardian Voices of Africa Blog writing as Siyanda Mohutsiwa (South Africa)
Mini-skirt attack: This is not a Kenyan issue, this is an African issue. “It is a funny thing, the African’s relationship with his Africanness. Like the Christian discusses ‘the flesh’ when falling into the temptation to commit sins, the African brings up the question of Africanness when defending his anti-social behaviour.”
Africa needs a new feminism“Africa needs a new feminism. A feminism that rises from the throats of ungovernable women, rolls down the backs of intellectually curious young men, and trickles down from every corner of government to reinvigorate the cultures of our continent”
The ridiculousness of “If the West can do it, why can’t we?”“I am absolutely exhausted by the argument that we cannot complain about inefficient and corrupt African leaders because “even Western leaders do it.””
Respect our language: A minister isn’t really going to defend President Zuma with her buttocks“Today, the South African media proudly told the world that a woman – a cabinet minister, at that – was so devoted to President Jacob Zuma that she would defend him with her buttocks.”
Mail&Guardian Arts & Culture section writing as Siyanda Mohutsiwa (South Africa)
African writing: Fact, fiction, or faction? An exploration of the role and affect of contemporary African literature on African society. Also, an interview with Nigeria’s award winning writer, Abubaker Adam Ibrahim
Financial Mail Opinion section writing as Siyanda Mohutsiwa (South Africa)
Africa’s youth: dreaming an American dream A criticism of the western-style urban dreams of Africa’s youth and an examination of their less-than-obvious source.
Mail&Guardian Thought-Leader Blog writing as Siyanda Mohutsiwa (South Africa)
Black Mouths, White Voices: The problem with SA TV A piece about the dangers of letting African stories be told by non-Africans; and some examples of this practice.
On Language Survival; Some Harsh Truths Some harsh truths about the death of African languages, and why our attempts to preserve them are failing miserably.
The reclamation of words is a pointless exercise: An argument against the idea that language can be re-engineered to remove traumatic history from words
Academia is Africa’s last hope: The case for increasing investment in higher education
ZANEWS: writing as Siyanda-Panda (South Africa)
While we’re still young and free: A rebuttal in the form of a short (cheeky) poem, to Batswana citizens that complain about the effects of ‘over-sponsoring’ of young Batswana’s education.
We are all armchair activists: Inspired by the Oscar Pistorius murder-investigation, this is a satirical piece about internet speculation
How to secretly run an African country like a dictatorship: Tips from Botswana
How to be an African parent: A light-hearted and extensive guide to raising successful middle-class African children
My wonderful funeral: Inspired by Margaret Thatcher’s much celebrated demise; this is a humorous description the sort of funeral one should have to inspire ‘true’ mourning.
A letter to Kenny Kunene: An open application to be one of Kenny Kunene’s young girlfriends
The D. A. Vinci Code: A playful mix between the South African DA party’s #knowyourDA campaign and the DA Vinci code
South Africa in 14 Quotes: A list of sensational quotes from ordinary South Africans, collected during one adventurous week of travels through the country
5 Plans That May Be Better Than Getting A degree: A funny list of plan B’s
#WhitePoverty? Like, sawubona, you totally don’t know my struggles: Inspired by a trending topic started by the @siyandawrites twitter account, a piece is written in the voice of a stereotypical young White South African
Big Brother Africa – Presidents Edition: An imagining of what would happen if the Big Brother Africa house was inhabited by African Presidents
Seven steps to good hair, good music and interracial sex in Swaziland: Chronicles of a trip to Swaziland’s world famous Bushfire music festival
How quitting smoking is like a Tyler Perry film: Similarities between the struggles faced by characters in Tyler Perry films and the author trying to quit smoking
Happy Sugar Daddy Day: On Father’s Day, the piece reminds readers to remember the most important daddy of them all — the sugar daddy
6 Life Lessons you learn from being smacked by a thug in Joburg: A humorous post-mortem of a violent incident that occurred during a trip to Johannesburg
Praise Beysus: On the deification of Beyonce by her more radical fans
How being shameless saved me from my country’s drought: Some funny tips on avoiding death by dehydration
How I discovered the Joys of reading: Inspired by a BBC World headline, this satirical piece mocks the stereotype of “the dark continent”
Sunday Standard: I think it’s time Botswana had its mid-life crisis (Botswana)
Sunday Standard: Feminism Is Not The Enemy (Botswana)
2010 Before I go to bed: My first blog (WordPress)