5 things NOT to say when trying to seduce an Afrikaner

This weekend my cousin invited me to her place for drinks. I anticipated nothing more than a night of heavy drinking (punctuated by an increasing number of slurred proclamations starting with the words “in life…”), followed by a morning of deep regret.

However, before I could get to my second drink and un-buckle my “drinking jeans”, the loud engine of a work-van parking in the guest-house garage  brought my attention to the finest product of South Africa I’d ever laid my eyes on. My jaw dropped (but not my drink…never my drink) as I watched a man so gorgeous that his muddy jeans and rolled up sleeves looked like they’d accompanied him straight out of a 1970’s romance novel titled “[the afrikaans version of] The year Hans, the tractor-mechanic re-awakened my desires” (or something), walk out of the van. His piercing eyes and confusingly arousing uni-brow shot sparks through my body and I immediately decided to seduce this man even if it meant my advances would have to be lubricated by the tears of my ancestors.

Continue reading “5 things NOT to say when trying to seduce an Afrikaner”

#WhiteGenocide – How I Single-Handedly Caused Racism in South Africa

So this month I single-handedly created racism in South Africa. I know, I know – you’re probably wondering: “How on Earth did a twenty-year-old girl that lives in neither South Africa nor Cape Town, create racism here?” (and if you’re not wondering that, at least you should be wondering what you did with your weekend while some of us created identity-crises in an entire population. I mean, it’s starting to look like a ‘lazy weekend’ is code for chronic underachievement for you here, pal)

In the spirit of political satire I started a twitter-hashtag named “#whitegenocide” in which I sort to a) poke fun at whites that fear the onset of white genocide in South Africa upon Nelson Mandela’s death b) entertain myself because being a young person, I get bored quite easily.

Continue reading “#WhiteGenocide – How I Single-Handedly Caused Racism in South Africa”